Season 2 Quotes
Only Connect
Grace: You’ve used up all your minutes.
Luke: What am I, a cell phone?
Grace: No…but you are a service provider.
Luke: You are so hyper vigilant.
Grace: Oh, don’t use big words.
Luke: Grace.
Grace: You’re dead.
Out of Sight
Grace: Dude, ABBA?
Luke: I thought you might like them because everyone hates them.
Grace: Well you thought wrong.
Luke: You are so intolerant.
Grace: High musical standards does not make me intolerant.
Luke: Um, okay, let's delve into some classical selections.
Grace: What are trying to do, kill me? Why don't we just start speaking in Latin?
Grace: Olatunji. African drums.
Luke: Pretentious attempt to co-opt another culture in order to hide your own middle class roots.
Grace: You are going to be bleeding soon.
Luke: Feel the power of Metallica, Master of Puppets. The anthem of thrash metal.
Grace: Metallica? That sounds like a band with no hands.
("Celebration starts playing on a nearby stereo)
Both: At least you didn't bring that.
(Pause, they look at each other)
Luke: A shared experience of dissonance creates its own harmony.
Grace: What?
Luke: Harmonic resonance. It's one of the basic laws of physics. Our mutual hatred for Kool and the Gang has formed a harmonic union between us.
Grace: I think I feel it.
Luke: Grace...this is our song.
Grace: You put it on repeat in an attempt to circumvent our five minute make-out rule.
Luke: Free will between the amorous parties supersedes contractual duty, rendering our agreement void ab bi nitio.
Grace: You're impaired, dude.
Luke: Caveat emptor. I have grounds to renegotiate.
Back to the Garden
Luke: Indeterminacy states that the change of a particle, X, is unknown until the outcome is, uh, observed over a certain period of time, T.
Grace: Showoff.
Glynis: If you’re concerned that working with me will be awkward, I can assure you I’ve moved on. And on…and on.
Luke: It’s not that. It’s just, uh, Grace wanted some help on a project.
Grace: I don’t need your help pencil neck. Never will.
Grace: Are you fondling my ankles?
Luke: Yes, I am.
Grace: Look, if you can’t handle the terms, the terms which you agreed to, then maybe you can’t handle me.
Luke: Before you get mad…
Grace: What are you doing?
Luke: I need to talk.
Grace: Girardi, waiting outside the girls’ bathroom is a little stalky.
Grace: This is about my privacy and you not respecting it, that’s all.
Luke: Ok, fine. Then be private, and alone, because clearly that’s what you want.
Luke: I thought about it, and I do want to work within your terms.
Grace: Well you shouldn’t. It’s totally unfair.
Luke: See, that's the thing. I don't think they are. I mean, basically, I've been asking for a total regime change in your public and personal life. But you know what? I looked up every major political revolution in the last hundred years, and not even the most violent ones were sudden. You know, they built up over years of dissatisfaction and unrest.
Grace: Did you make a special effort not to use a science metaphor?
Luke: I'm trying to expand my range.
Grace: What's this?
Luke: It's a seedling, for a sunflower. It's hard to believe they can grow up to eight feet tall. I stole it from Joan.
The Cat
Luke: …and she just - she just sunk to the floor, you know, like eyes wide. I just, I kinda shut down and watched like it wasn’t real.
Grace: Dude, weird.
Luke: That’s it? Weird? My aunt almost died and that’s all you can say?
Grace: Okay, Bruce Banner, relax.
Grace: Gravity_boy has logged off?
Luke: Joan was trying to bust me for looking at porn.
Grace: You were looking at porn while we were online?
Luke: No! Do…do you want me to?
The Election
Grace: Dude, your sister is looking to support the corrupt political system at Arcadia High, which is totally symptomatic of the larger political...
Luke: (inturrupting) Are we ever gonna talk about your mom?
Grace: (hesitates) No...
Luke: Grace, you IMed me that your mom's an alcoholic. I know you wanna talk about it.
Grace: (long pause) I just wanted you to know.
Luke: The latest polls don't look good.
Joan: Well they will if we find something on Lars. Whatever it takes. It's the only way to beat these guys.
Grace: Horses head always works.
Joan: Thought you were the poster girl for apathy?
Luke: She was hit by a wave of school spirit.
Joan: (suspiciously) She told you?
Luke: ...I gleaned it.
Luke: You know, statistically, this last campaign thrust has less than a 13% chance of success.
Grace: You do realize I don't understand half of what you say?
Wealth of Nations
Grace: Dude, it’s like a pet cemetery in here.
Luke: Lischak gave me the key. Science student of the year does have its privileges.
Grace: This is so the beginning of a Steven King novel.
Grace: Dark matter, black holes. Lay it on me.
Luke: Their gravity is so strong that they pull in anything that gets close to them. You know, you don’t have to be embarrassed to talk to me about this.
(Grace kisses him in an attempt to change the subject)
Grace: How’s that for gravitational pull?
Grace: No sucking face yet, bone rack. We have a physics midterm in two days and I know less about Planck’s constant than that lobster. Or is it two frogs?
Grace: Alateen? You blabbed about me? To a room full of freaks?!
Luke: I picked it up at the public library. And they’re not freaks, they’re kids like us.
Grace: Dude, have you been inhaling the formaldehyde? There’s no way I’m doing this.
Grace: I’ve been through it all, Girardi. There’s nothing new they can tell me.
Luke: But you’ve been through it by yourself. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore.
Grace: Uh, hi, my name is Grace.
Group: Hi, Grace.
Grace: Nothing leaves this room, right? Because I will hunt you people down.
P.O.V.
Joan: Why can’t you just act natural?
Grace: That’s an oxymoron. The minute you turn on a camera you’re distorting reality. It’s Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle.
Joan: You sound like my brother.
Grace: …Then I will shut up, and I will walk away.
Luke: You said you'd tell me how things are going.
Grace: Very well, for my mother. She made it through two bottle of wine at dinner.
Luke: You keeping your journal?
Grace: Yeah, but it's mostly freeform swearing.
Luke: I think you really believe that you’re strong, but you’re more terrified than anyone I know.
Grace’s Mother: (offscreen) Grace, I’m home!
Luke: I’ll sneak out the window.
Grace: No…stay.
Friday Night
Grace: (breaking off from a kiss) They are so seriously twisted, dude.
Luke: Why do you care if Joan and Adam go on a date? (Goes in for another kiss)
Grace: (breaking off from kiss) Because, they're just mindlessly following these random, sociological constructs.
Luke: Well...I was gonna ask you out...tonight.
Grace: Who do you think you're twisting tongues with, dude?
Luke: Schlock festival at the Arrow, the all-time worst films: Plan 9, Robot Monster, Catwoman From the Moon. I mean, these are serious classics.
Grace: I have a meeting tonight (pulls out a pamphlet).
Luke: Anarchists Unite? Isn't that contradictory?
Grace: Anarchy is about shedding false conceptions, so it is not at all contradictory, brain drain. Maybe if you came, you would be less politically dense ...
Luke: Well, anarchists should have an appreciation for the chaotic ineptitude of schlock cinema. It's the very definition of anarchy.
Grace: Don't twist political philosophy to manipulate me into a date.
Luke: Well, isn't that what you're doing? Trying to get me to your meeting.
Luke: Grace? I went to the anarchy meeting looking for you?
Grace: Well, I came to the movies. (Pause, looks him over) What happened to your shoes?
Luke: They were made by, uh, kids in Central America; I burned them.
(They move to each other and, standing in front of the movie screen, kiss.)
Guy in Audience: Hey, lovebirds, sit down.
(Grace throws popcorn at him.)
Friedman (to Luke and Grace): Just give it up; hold hands or something. (He takes both of their hands and puts them together; Luke and Grace's fingers entwine.)
No Future
Luke: I know it’s a lot to ask…
Grace: Dude, licking your floors would be a lot to ask.
Luke: One dinner.
Grace: No!
Grace: You know, once your sister knows the whole world knows. We might as well get married.
Luke: Joan won’t figure it out.
Grace: She’s not that stupid.
Luke: Stupid? No. Self absorbed? Paris Hilton has more perspective.
Grace: I will not sing. I will not wear a dress.
Luke: What?
Grace: Those are the terms.
Luke: So you’re saying yes?
Grace: This has nothing to do with that asinine threat. I will do all the breaking up around here, got it?
Luke: Absolutely.
[Joan gives Luke the kite he wanted]
Luke: The kite…I never got it.
Joan: Yeah well, I’m a few years late. Sue me.
Grace: I got you something, too.
[She walks over to where Luke and Joan are standing and tears their secrecy contract in half.]
Luke: It doesn’t matter.
Helen: Sweetheart, it does.
Luke: Okay, it does but, you know, things came out of it that I didn’t see coming and I’m really happy now. Because, you know, we’re all here…and Grace is here.
The Book of Questions
Luke: Grace! So what can I do?
Grace: Hmm?
Luke: For your bat mitzvah.
Grace: Nothing. I--I just want it to come and go quickly like Hoobastank.
Grace: Look, just come to my stupid party, laugh at the chocolate fountain, make fun of my relatives, and if you're good, maybe we can make out behind the DJ booth.
Friedman: Sweet!
Grace and Luke (together): Shut up, Friedman.
Friedman: I'm thinking 10 shares of eBay. It's practical yet romantic.
Luke: Are you insane?
Friedman: Why not? The Teitelbaums gave me 10 shares of Halliburton. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving...
Luke: I'm not giving Grace stock.
Glynis: Ooh! You could give her a bran muffin.
Luke: Why would I do that?
Glynis: Oh, 'cause that's what you got me when we were going out, except you were low on cash and I had to pay.
Friedman: Lingerie.
Luke: For a bat mitzvah?
Friedman: Exactly. The lady is becoming a woman. Am I not good?
Glynis: The muffin was a little stale. I'm not bitter, though.
Friedman: Ok, this one's pretty nifty. It's got Jerusalem embroidered on it, matching kippot. Smoking hot.
Luke: People really give these?
Friedman: I got 5.
Luke: And you like them?
Friedman: Like them? They're bar mitzvah presents, nobody likes them. They simply exist, like Stonehenge.
Luke: I just...I can't give her some random thing, you know? I should give her something that when she looks at it, she thinks of me. Even when she's 90.
Friedman: There's always the giant sea turtle.
Friedman: We could go kama sutra. You said you wanted personal. If that's not personal, I don't know what is.
Luke: Friedman, this is a religious event! It's got deeper meaning than…(looks at the book) remarkably limber. No.
Joan: It was so weird. The other day, her mom was like this regular, normal mom, then today...
Luke: I've never seen her mom when she's been drinking. I've only been to her place a couple of times.
Joan: She was a totally different person. So sad. If this happens all the time, you should have told me.
Luke: Grace made me promise not to say anything.
Joan: I'm her best friend. I should have known!
Luke: And I'm her boyfriend. Look, I got her to go to AlaTeen so she could start dealing with it. You just have to give her time.
Joan: Time? Luke, she already put off her Bat Mitzvah.
Luke: She's put it off before, probably for the same reason.
Joan: Luke, she has to do this!
(Grace storms into the room)
Grace: Why the hell did you come to my house? (To Luke) Did you tell her, freak?
Luke: No.
Joan: No! He didn't say anything. I just wanted to talk to you. You wouldn't call me back.
Grace: And you couldn't take a hint? This is none of your business! (To Luke) And it's none of yours anymore either. We're done. (Grace starts to leave)
Luke: Grace, I'm sorry.
Joan: You hide Luke, which, yeah, ok, I kinda understand, but you hide your mom, you hide all the important stuff, Grace. I'm not Jewish, but it seems to me this whole bat mitzvah thing is about standing up and declaring yourself! Getting in people's faces for real!
Luke: (from the stairs) Grace. I already got you a present.
Grace: I told you not to get me anything.
Luke: Just come on.
Grace: Alone in the dark? This better not be something Friedman suggested.
Luke: Ok, look up. (Grace looks at him) No, no, no. Right over there, above the constellation Leo.
Grace: My neck is cramping.
Luke: Look! Did you see that? (a meteor flies across the sky)
Grace: How did you get them to do that?
Luke: It's the Leonid meteor shower. Happens every year or so. So you'll never forget tonight. I mean, it was either this or... Shabbat candlesticks.
Luke: You know, there's a theory that... that all organic matter on earth, life, may have come from those. Wonder if we'll ever know.
Dive
Grace: I was in the neighborhood.
Luke: Really.
Grace: No ... but it makes this easier, so go with it.
Luke: Okay.
Grace: Look just ... forget that stupid diving team. That whole rant -- that was, that was, I mean, I ... (Long pause.) Are you gonna make go on?
Luke (Slightly shaking his head): No.
Grace (Goes to leave, turns back): I talked to mom. Finish your homework.
(Luke smiles.)
Joan: He [Luke] and Grace are a public item now. (Pause) It's a freakshow.
Game Theory
(about rock, paper, scissors)
Grace: You people are seriously warped. It's a game. It's about luck.
Luke: No, grace. Games are never about luck. Everything has a strategy from government to romance, such as the time when I gave you a gift, a calculated gambit designed to throw you in a state of imbalance.
Grace: You worked me?
Luke: No, no.
Grace: You used a gambit on me?!
Luke: No, Grace, I'm making an analogy.
Friedman: That was some bad math, dude.
Luke: I thought you'd root for me, Grace.
Grace: Make out with you, root for her.
Queen of the Zombies
Grace: Could we just speak English for a second here?
Luke: Sorry. We were just..
Grace: I know. I...
Glynis: Feel free to jump in.
Grace: I don't think so. I shouldn't have agreed to do a lab with you two anyway. It'll just screw up my "c" average.
Luke: Come on, Grace. Friedman ditched us to be in the musical.
Glynis: Ditching. Seems to happen to me a lot.
Grace: Yeah, right. That's it. Later.
Glynis: No, please. You can recalculate the differential analysis of the 6 remaining fractals all by yourself.
Grace: I'd love to. I just gotta go jab a railroad spike into my head.
Luke: Grace, you can't leave. We have to go over civics.
Grace: Power, corruption, revolution. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm sure you two can handle it.
Joan: Luke, no text messaging at the table. That's 21st century bad manners.
Luke: Joan, I'm in a bit of a situation.
Joan: Grace holding out on the sugar?
Grace: So, uh, Your freak show brother and Glynis, what were they like together?
Joan: I'm kind of in the middle of something here.
Grace: Because before, I could make myself miserable all on my own. Now they make me miserable. I have a problem with that.
Joan: You're not gonna stop, are you?
Grace: Every time he and Glynis talk science, it's like he...he acts like Captain Kirk getting it on with a hot alien.
Joan: That is gross on so many levels.
Grace: Tell me about it. Nothing makes sense, dude. The inside of my head is like some gross stew the cafeteria wouldn't even serve.
Joan: You're jealous. It happens to everybody. Othello, the green-eyed monster. Remember?
Grace: Yeah, well, I hate it. It's like I'm a girl.
Glynis: What is your problem, Polk?
Grace: What was that?
Glynis: How about you just get over yourself, ok? Everybody knows Luke adores you. I'm willing to work with you, and if anyone should have a problem here, it's me, so you sulking and refusing to talk to Luke is just arrogance. Either that, or you actually believe that anything could happened between Luke and me, which couldn't be further from the truth, no matter how much I might fantasize. So why don't you do everyone a favor and take the giant stick out of your butt.
Grace: You are way more intense than I ever knew.
Glynis: Here are the formulas you can work on if you can successfully remove that stick.
Grace: Did he tell you to do this?
Glynis: You think I'd involve him in our business? Have some respect for me as a woman!
Luke: Joan in a zombie costume. Dreams can come true.
Glynis: I wanted to be a zombie for Halloween once. My mom made me go as the little mermaid.
Grace: Typical. From the undead to an objectified corporate icon.
Luke: Grace.
Grace: Correct. Uh, did the formulas.
Glynis: Did you ever participate in the commercialization of the former pagan ritual?
Grace: Figliola, way to get radical.
Luke: What? Does this mean...
Grace: Don't push it, dude. It's an organic process.
Glynis: Yeah, dude.
The Rise and Fall of Joan Girardi
Luke: I'm 16, grace. I've been waiting to drive my whole life.
Grace: Dude, you're contributing to global warming, and you're handing over vital personal information to the CIA, and when they take that picture, that's really a retinal scan.
Luke: Yeah, I'm getting my license, Grace, not starting a covert war.
Joan: Is this like pillow talk for you two?
Luke : I'm getting my driver's license, Grace, and there's nothing you can do or say to stop it. The missile has been armed, the launch codes have been keyed in, and that sucker's gonna fly. You hear me?
Grace: Fine.
Luke : Look, I love the planet, Grace, but I also love the spirit of discovery that has brought us precision engineering and automotive excellence. I mean, the automobile has been the cornerstone of economic advancement throughout the past 100 years, and I am not gonna be the one to plunge our global economy into chaos and ruin.
Grace: Fine. (walks off)
Grace: So you did it, huh? Who cares about the polar ice caps melting? You just pack the penguins in your car. You can all do a drive through for a burrito grande.
Luke: Ok, can the preamble, Grace. If you're gonna do it, just do it, ok? I am a gas-guzzling, smog-spewing tool of a corrupt oil-based economy. So just break up with me because I am never gonna live up to your expectations.
Grace: Dude, you have endowed me with entirely too much power.
Luke: But you said...
Grace: I say a lot of things. I'm just a simple anarchist trying to get through my day. You do your thing, I do mine.
Luke: So you'll ride with me?
Grace: Heh! Yeah, right. Let me go get my fur coat.
[Luke hands Grace a box, she looks at it]
Grace: I'm gonna make out with you anyway.
Luke: Just open it.
Grace: (opens it) Green transit passes?
Luke: It's the natural gas bus line. I thought we could celebrate my driver's license by walking 30 blocks out of our way and taking a bus to the save the earth rally. (they kiss) Ok, I drove 10 miles to get them.
Romancing the Joan
Joan: I just don't get it, all these poems are supposed to be romantic, but they're all about death.
Luke: Death is romantic.
Grace: Especially when there's blood.
Luke: Or plague.
Grace: Yup. (Throws a smile over her shoulder his way.)
Joan: Why haven't we double dated?
Adam: I needed an assistant; she answered the ad.
Grace: And I guess all the ugly assistants were taken.
Adam: Don't you have an appointment in a biology closet?
Grace: What a great time o' year. It's freezing, mid-terms are coming up. It's a billion years before school's out, everybody's sick and there is nothing to look forward to.
Friedman: Valentine's Day.
Grace: (looking at Luke) Don't even think about it.
Luke: No, I'm a guy, I'll totally forget it.
Grace: Oh. Right.
Adam: Oh, Stevie, you know everybody?
Stevie: Sure. Joan, Grace and you must be Luke. You guys made the biology closet famous.
(Grace looks perturbed, looks at Luke, who looks equally perturbed.)
Luke: I didn't ...
Stevie: (Waving off Luke's denial) Oh, it's everywhere.
(Grace looks deeply disturbed.)
Shadows and Light
Luke: Lischak asked me to do the student science presentation.
Adam: Do you get extra credit?
Luke: Not really.
Grace: So it's for the love of sucking up? You're gonna have to get your lips surgically removed from Lischak's...
Luke: Okay. I get it, Grace.
Joan: Wow, they really make you believe in love, don't they?
Grace: Fire up those lips, whiz kid.
Adam: (dumbsquizzled and grossed out) Uh...Grace.
Grace: Okay, you could choose to forget this or I could inflict brain damage.
Secret Service
Grace: Genius goes unrecognized. What else is new? Come on.
Luke: My ... my entry proved the possibility of a string force field positing an energy of 10 to the 19th power volts. This is a steak-worthy discovery.
Grace: You're talking about the opinion of a bunch of pinheads at Arcadia College.
Glynis: And Don Thornberry, himself. I heard he was an honorary judge.
Grace: What does he know about physics? He runs a steak joint at the airport.
Luke: So, I realized that nobody has ever created a force anywhere 10 to the 19th power volts. And nobody ever will because if they did, they would risk creating an enormous black hole that would suck up the entire universe.
Grace: Awesome recovery.
Luke: Yeah and you know, who cares what a bunch of idiots at Arcadia College thing about me.
Grace: You read The Anarchy Manifesto.
Luke: Huh? No, Steinholz just made me realize that it's not about ego. It's about the work, the struggle. That's all that really matters.
Grace: That's what I said to you.
Luke: When?
Friedman: (pops up) Dude, Don's steak was like the whole cow and the baked potato was as big as my head! I gotta go!
Grace: Dude, it's about the struggle.
Luke: Yeah, ok, I'm…I'm struggling.
Trial and Error
Luke: Are you saying you don’t remember when we first became official?
Grace: (putting in headphones) Bye, bye.
Luke: History. French Revolution. Au revior, baby. (leans in to kiss Grace)
Grace: (backs away) Don’t mark me, dude! Biology closet, two-fifteen.
Joan: What happened to blood is thicker than water?
Luke: It got trumped by make-out sessions in the biology closet.
Spring Cleaning
Luke: According to study results put out by Harvard, Joan and Adam have 5 of the 8 positive predictors for a successful relationship.
Grace: (window-shopping) Seems like a nautical look for spring. Can’t get enough of that look.
Luke: Shared common interests, proud of their connection.
Grace: Voulor? Why are we giving that another chance?
Luke: Confided in each other, easily resolved conflict, probably held a similar socio-political belief system…
Grace: Dude, Rove was putting it around!
Luke: (grossed out) I don’t wanna know that! God, do I have to beat him up now?
Grace: Sure, why not throw pugilism into the pot.
Luke: This freaks me out. Why are you not freaked out?
Grace: Why would I be? Its how dating works.
Luke: We’re dating and we’re not like that.
Grace: Yet.
Luke: Grace…
Grace: Look, we’re not really dating, we’re… makin’ out.
Luke: Uh, we have a relationship
Grace: An arrangement.
Luke: (frustrated) The point is, they had way more going for them in terms of compatibility, and they’re over which just, you know, makes you think.
Grace: Not me. (Spots a leather jacket in the window) Oh, now that is a good use of a cow!
Luke: Grace!
Grace: We’re not discussing this anymore, dude. We’re looking at a jacket. Tell me that’s not the coolest jacket in the world.
Luke: (defeated) It’s nice.
Grace: (walks over to him and grabs his face with her hands) They’re not us, okay? (She smiles at him as they continue to walk)
Grace: Yo, Astro boy! Wait up! (Tosses the leather jacket from store window to him) That’s for you.
Luke: For me?
Grace: Wear it.
Grace: Look at that! Walking ahead and with a swagger. What have I done?
Joan: (disinterested) I don’t know, but undo it.
Grace: I tried! He won’t give the jacket back! What is wrong with men? Are they broken; are they missing parts?
Luke: (scared) What happened?
Grace: (in a peppy voice) Oh, this. It’s my new look. I’m also wearing a ton of perfume and I’ll probably be saying things like “no way” a lot.
Luke: (highly disturbed) I don’t think you’re being logical. Have you looked in a mirror?
Grace: Oh yeah! Kelly green! I think this totally works for me. (Sits on bed)
Luke: Grace, you can’t look like that.
Grace: (is herself again) How does it feel to watch someone you thought you knew have a total personality transplant?
Luke: You gave me the jacket. I was trying to make you happy.
Grace: Well stop. Because if you don’t stop, I’m going to kill you. Look, I panicked. It was like you were saying, the whole Adam and Joan thing. They’re so much alike and they didn’t make it… and I over thought it.
Luke: You were worried.
Grace: Leave it.
Luke: About losing me.
Grace: Drop the jacket, dude, this conversation is over.
Luke: Okay, I’ll take it off…but, I won’t give it back.
Grace: What are you gonna do with it?
Luke: Keep it around. Like art.
Grace: Fair enough.
Common Thread
Luke: Hey, Sims 2, it's arriving this afternoon. You wanna come help me install it?
Grace: Do you want a piece of me too? I am one person, okay? Just one. Uno. So why don't you and everyone else just take care of yourselves. (stalks off)
Luke: Virtual reality is looking good.
Grace: Did you even notice that I tried to call you?
Luke: Yeah, but I was kind of in the middle of a neural nightmare.
Grace: And I was in the middle of a real one! I didn't know if I'd ever see Rove again, I really needed to talk to you. It's nice to know how dependable you are.
Luke: I threw out Friedman's pot, okay? And the Pink Floyd box set. It's over.
Grace: Moron.
Luke: Agreed.
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Luke: See, we don't fundamentally believe in sub-atomic probability. Well, I do, but you know, I'm a science stud.
Grace: "Science" and "stud" do not go together, dude.
Glynis: Jonas Salk had a very sexy jaw line.
Grace: Why would you know that?
posted by JaN @ 12:47 AM
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